7 Things I Have Learned from My Dog During COVID-19
I was never a dog person, but I married one. Taylor grew up with chocolate labs and when we were dating, I fell in love. With him, but more importantly, with his parents’ dog Daisy. Daisy is an angel (confirmed by many Instagram polls.) I grew accustomed to her stink, slobber, and shedding, and realized that those are not reasons to not be a dog person.
A few years into our marriage, we happened upon our dog. Taylor was in Montana on a fishing trip and found her — a tiny black lab puppy with a serious expression and a tail that wagged ceaselessly. He sent me a picture, I fell in love (again), and we picked her up the next weekend. She slept the entire way home, and then we played our inaugural game of fetch on the grass behind our house with a tennis ball that was too big for her little mouth.
We named her Nellie after a song by Dr. Dog and promptly fell into our new routine. Jogs, walks, fetch, frisbee, wrangling, picking up poop and wiping up puke all found a comfortable place in our lives. We navigated our busy lives around her, and she often had free reign of the house while we were gone.
On Nellie’s first birthday, COVID restrictions hit us for the first time. Taylor and I were both directed to work and attend class from home, which meant, first and foremost, that we got to spend more time with the Smellster. She had less time to lick her hooch, which annoyed her, but otherwise, the situation worked out just fine.
This time with Nellie has taught me a few things about life. I know these moments won’t last forever — things invariably change.
But now, it’s just the three of us, and there have been seven particular things I have learned.
- Life should have an overarching objective
Nellie lives to play. She wants literally nothing else, ever. If she’s not eating or sleeping, she is trying to play. Running is playing, as are going on walks or catching the frisbee. She has a menagerie of toys which she places slyly on our laps when we’re working or watching TV. It is never not playtime with Nellie.
Like Nellie, we all have an objective in our lives. Close your eyes and listen to yourself. To what you really want. It will come to you. It may be to work, to sing, to create, to love, to parent, to write. Nellie is relentless in her pursuit of play, and we can replicate that relentlessness with our own callings.
2. Rest is good, but only when you’re tired
Nellie loves naps. She snoozes on the couch while we work (is that bad? She looks so cozy that I can’t bring myself to make her move.) She splays out on the kitchen tile when she’s hot, letting it cool her off. She plays hard and she sleeps hard. She’s not lazy, nor does she worship the grind. She has the perfect balance of energy.
I love rest too, but sometimes I rest more than I work. This type of rest is not restorative. It’s compounding. The longer I sit, the less likely I am to get up. An object at rest stays at rest, right? Nellie has shown me that the best rest is the one that comes after a relentless pursuit of *insert your objective here*
3. Boundaries are GOOD
Nellie has a few very loyal friends. Sancho, the corgi that lives in our basement, is one. Tagg, the border collie that lives next door, is another. She loves her buds, but she has no problem snapping at them when they have crossed a line.
The offender is usually Tagg. He loves to hump her, but when she’s not feeling it, she’s quick to let him know. And who would’ve guessed it, but setting her boundaries has not ruined her friendships. Sancho and Tagg are still eager as ever to play with Smellsterdamaus.
I’m bad at boundary setting. I hate the idea of hurting someone’s feelings or making them feel stupid. What I’ve learned from watching Nellie and Co. play in our backyard, however, is that setting boundaries is good for everyone involved. It allows people (and animals) to interact safely and keep relationships going. I am learning how to let people know when they’ve crossed a line in a way that preserves our relationship moving forward.
4. It’s ok to like our lives
Nellie gets disgruntled sometimes. She’ll plop down on the ground and grunt at us if she’s annoyed or whine when she’s anxious. Usually, though, Nellie seems to genuinely like her life. We go to the same park every day, sometimes twice a day, and she has the same excitement every single time. She loves her human grandparents and never gets tired of seeing them on the weekends. She loves the hikes that we go on and the days that we stay home. She is, almost entirely, content with her lot.
I am not good at this. I always catch myself daydreaming about how this or that could be different for me. While I think dreaming and planning for the future is good, what I miss sometimes is being happy with where I am at now. A future in another city or in a different career is good to think about, but my city and my career should be enjoyed now. If Nellie can wag her tail through the highs and lows of life, maybe I can show a little gratitude as well.
5. We may be insignificant, but what we do matters
Nellie has opinions about things. I know this, not because she tells me (she can’t talk), but because she makes it known in her own way. She boycotts food she doesn’t like. She pawed miserably at her Gentle Leader until we quit using it. She loves her kennel, so we probably won’t ever get rid of it. The member of our family with the least amount of institutional power often calls the shots, because she makes her opinion known and sticks with it.
This has helped me, especially during this election cycle. I know I’m just one person without much institutional sway, in the grand scheme of things. But maybe, if I stick to my guns and don’t back down and annoy the hell out of people that are calling the shots, I can make a difference. That’s probably not too “inspirational”, but it’s true.
6. To love and be loved is good, but is not everything
Nellie does not define herself by the people that love her. She’ll cuddle, lick your face, and paw at you as much as the next dog, but when she’s done, she’s done. She’ll hop off the couch mid cuddle sesh or walk away from your crooning. She is an independent pup and she doesn’t always need people to keep herself happy or entertained. While her abrupt refusals often hurt my dog-mom feelings, I can’t help but admire her for it.
I have, for too long, defined myself by my relationships. In a moment of clarity last year, I realized that I talk more about my husband or my dog than I do about my own interests. Nellie has made me want to be a more complete person on my own, without needing to be defined by relationships or love. Love is complementary to everything else that we are.
7. To be free is the ultimate goal
Nellie doesn’t do things because you want her to do them. She only makes decisions that she wants to make. If you run after her, she runs away. The trick is to make her want to follow you, usually by turning it into a game. If you want her to lay on her bed or go to her kennel, good luck without a treat to back up your demand. Nellie does what Nellie wants. She’s her own dog, whether I like it or not. Her freedom will not be dissuaded by anyone.
I don’t often embrace my freedom. My life is defined by shoulds and should nots. I make decisions based on what is required of me, not what I require from life. And maybe that’s not good enough anymore. Maybe I should be more like Nellie — free, independent, and always ready to play.
Dogs, man. How did I ever live without them?
